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Old junk Guestbook About me Naked? *
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- 23:39 Monday, Dec. 06, 2004 I think I am a drama queen and I am making too big of a deal out of what's been going on. I need to quit being such a poor excuse of a person. Today I did something that I am ashamed of. There's this girl that really annoys me because she's kind of a show-off, but at the same time she doesn't have much to show off. She's never on the right notes when we're singing and she sounds kind of weird. I mean, if she knew how to use her voice, she'd be great, but she doesn't so she shouldn't be so MEHH about it. But yeah..she was singing really off and Mr. Howie said someone was off and I started pointing at her. hahaha. Her friend like dogged me and I felt bad because that was such a jerk thing of me to do. No one ever tells her that she's off so I guess she doesn't realize it. But yeah..I'm not nice. Boo. And this other girl totally got on my nerves. She's so freakin' annoying, now I can see why all the seniors hated her last year. Geez. She's so freakin' rude and she thinks it's like funny or something. She has such a weird singing voice..like every time I hear her sing I start laughing. haha. I know I'm probably not any better but at least my voice doesn't make me laugh the way hers does. Mr. Byers is wack for putting her on rhapsody. Ugheth. I just want to rant rant rant about everything. I've been happy for a while now and things are starting to turn crappy. I've been living in fear ever since Friday, even though it's not that big of a deal, it feels like one to me because this never happens to me. I feel like I'm in short supply of a listening ear and homework is making me feel sad. The sadder I feel, the less I want to work on it and then my grades deteriorate. haha. Great. I also feel like I'm always second best and so easy to replace. Maybe it's time for me to stop trying to salvage something that doesn't want to be fixed. I mean there's times when things are great..we laugh a lot but then I realize that it's not real and I'm only there to entertain for a little while and then I'm out of the picture again. Of course, I'm not that funny, so no one wants me around for very long. I need to write up a list of good things again so I can cheer myself up, because really, I am the only one who can get myself out of this hole. Blah blah blah. Fish are mean. - 02:00 Sunday, Dec. 05, 2004 I was talking to Homeboy the other day and something he said triggered my memory of this dream that I had and I keep thinking about it. I dunno if I've ever mentioned it, but it has taken on a new meaning to me since things are different now. So..in my dream, my family and this other guy's family have always wanted us to get together. It was sort of like an arranged marriage, but he wouldn't do it unless I loved him back. We had been good friends ever since we were children and our families were friends and stuff. I never felt anything for him and never really thought about it. We were good enough friends for me to prank call him. haha. So..one day I'm practicing ballet [for what reason, I do not know] and he's helping me with jumps and stuff. And then the music changes and it's more romantic. He starts holding me and I don't squirm away like I probably would usually. Instead, I end up turned around and slow dancing with him. There is this connection I have with him that I've never felt before and maybe I am caught up in the moment or something, but I suddenly feel like I could spend the rest of my life with this guy. BUT, next thing you know, someone calls me from my past and old feelings come back and I end up breaking it off with the guy. It was so sad because our families were planning the wedding and everything, but he wasn't mad and totally understood, because he cared a lot about me. I woke up with this feeling that this guy that I saw in my dream could be who I end up with someday. I tried to remember everything about him, but I seriously couldn't remember much, except comparing his face to a few people that I know in order to remember what it looked like. I feel like one day I'll meet him and I'll know because in the back of my mind, the image will come back out and I'll recognize him. Well, that was one thing that my dream could've meant. Now that I think about it, it could be reflecting something that's happening right now. I'm gonna fall for a guy that I've always considered a good friend, but hopefully the ending will be different, if that is the case, because I couldn't stand being myself if I ever did that to someone. I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than hurt someone who cares about me that deeply. So maybe that dream was totally foreshadowing. Sigh. Who knows. I love how dreams can be so mysterious. OR what if I was dreaming someone else's future?? Whoa. haha. Since I'm not a ballerina and all. :] But either way..the guy is sort of helping me with patience. I want to wait for someone that I know will take care of me, rather than just go with whatever comes my way that is somewhat okay. So I guess I'm either waiting to recognize a stranger or one day I will suddenly be in love without any development towards it whatsoever. haha. Both are not super likely, but in the eyes of a hopeless romantic, they are completely possible. SpATER yo. - 23:36 Friday, Dec. 03, 2004 DOOD. San Gabriel totally bit us in the butt tonight. Sigh. Anyway, today, I went with Christina to Joann's and we bought stuff to crochet! Yay. haha it was so funny. I saw this HUGE crochet needle thing and I was like OMG I need this. haha. I didn't really but it was so big that I kept laughing when I looked at it so I bought it. After that, I taught her how to crochet but I taught her wrong and then I felt like a lametard. haha. But then it was ok because I taught her the right way for the next row and it was looking pretty good :] Yay! haha. We just sat doing our scarves while the guys drove around doing car stuff. I learned about the bar under Chris' hood. I feel so educated now. Not really, but I learned a new thing. WeE! Then I went home and Gayface came over. We went to the bball game and then partied hardy. Naturlich. He owes me boba. hahahaha. Freakin' John! Sigh. Inside jokes are great. 2 for 2! We are great peoples. haha. NINJAS! Bye. - 00:35 Thursday, Dec. 02, 2004 Dood..Smallville is getting kind of random. And I'm bummed that it's break time for them. Sigh. What do I do?? We need space fillers for Partyville now. I tried to incorporate that into my essays, but I really didn't know how. Partyville and Confidence Day. I ended up writing something else. haha. Gosh gotta stop thinking about what I wrote and if I did everything right. I feel really bad about my calculus homework. I feel like Bulgin hates me. : I think if I applied myself more and actually spent time figuring stuff out, I'd be good in math. Well, maybe not good, but understanding most of it. I wish I tried harder. Where did I go wrong? I'm always putting things off. Boo. Just like my feelings. haha. OMG the mom from Jack & Bobby is totally..someone I know. She's fricken gonna be a future drug addict!! hahaha. And then she's gonna go for younger guys. Dood. If all this stuff really happens I'm going to die of laughter. hehehe. :x I was looking at the group dance picture and I LOVE everyone's smiles. haha. They're all different. It's so cool. They should do this more often :D I didn't quite realize how informal semi-formal was. Oh man I feel lame. haha. I wish I dressed down more. It was hard walking around in that dress sometimes. Meck. Especially when people stepped on it. Argh. I keep singing "Your Song" from Moulin Rouge around 4th period. Like sometimes it starts during break and then I remember again after 4th period and start singing again. :P Ganz gut. Ewan McGregor is my husband. Fosho. I love the way he sings. Guys who sing ballads. Oo..that's sexy. ^_^ - 23:13 Tuesday, Nov. 30, 2004 NIET! haha. OMG it's so coooold! I was walking to school through the track this morning and wondering why the grass was so white and I stepped on it and it was crunchy. Yes, all the grass froze over! It was really pretty, except for that blotch where all the grass is worn away because it's all brown and poo-like, but the rest of the field was pretty. I think that's the closest to snow that we're going to get around here. haha. But yeah...I wore three shirts and a track jacket with a scarf and it was still super cold. I brought mittens AND gloves today. haha. I put them both on a couple times today but it didn't work out too well. I couldn't move my hands at all with both layers. When I got home all I wanted to do was sleep, so I did, on the couch in the coldest area of the house besides the garage. The living room. AHH! My mom put an extra jacket over me while I was sleeping. I felt like how Hamtaro looked when he burrowed himself under layers of sawdust. hehe. Aw I miss him :[ When I woke up, I feared getting sick, so I put on a sweater, sweatpants, another pair of socks, my handband thing that goes over my ears and a different scarf that I could wrap around me like 50 times. haha. It's supposed to be like the record cold temperature or something dood. Feels like it. I love cold weather though. It's such a relief when you get warmed up. hehe. I think it's hard to sing low parts for long periods of time, meaning more than one song. haha. I want to practice on that because I sound lame when I have to sing soprano-ish parts. The middle is ok, but I want variety. haha man I'm such a choir nerd. O_o You can never like something too much :D Oh well, at least I'm not as annoying as some of the people in concert choir. Gosh. Don't talk. They were so mean too. I'm so happy apps are over. I don't want to go to any private schools, so I think I'm done. I even started tossing some of the college stuff I've collected over the years. MUAHAHA. <3 Oh and yay for Wednesday schedule. - 17:18 Monday, Nov. 29, 2004 ABCs A - age: 17 B - band listening to right now: well john denver is playing..sorry not a band C - crush: HEHE. :x D - Dad's name: king E - easiest person to talk to: my sister F - favorite band at the moment: hm. one voice, always! G - gummy bears or gummy worms: GUMMY BEARS HECKS YES. H - hometown: rosemead I - instruments: my voice, clarinet, piano, recorder :P K - kids: nein, danke. L - longest car ride ever: well, it was split into increments but it was from here to canada M - Mom's name: hing N - number of siblings: 3 O - one wish: that i didn't dwell on problems P - phobia[s]: spiders, bugs, heights, stages..haha, being closed into a crowd Q - favorite quote: "All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream." --Edgar Allan Poe R - reason to smile: cute guy, funny joke, reminiscing, couldn't think of something else to do, life in general S - song you sang last: breakaway - kelly clarkson [thanks richard] T - time you wake up: usually 6:15 but i woke up late today U - unknown fact about me: if i told you then it wouldn't be unknown anymore V - vegetable you hate: hm...i like veggies W - worst habit(s) you've had: laziness, overcommitment, low confidence X - x-rays you've had: teeth? Y - yummy food: mashed taters, spaghetti, gummibears, chili bamboo Z - zodiac sign: taurus, rabbit STOLEN :O from Everlyn MECK MEcK. 5 colleges down. YES. My personal statement bit me in the butt this weekend. I felt like I didn't see sunlight until this morning. It's sooooooo cold today, I can't feel my fingerrs. hUM. I'm pretty happy. I think this year is my most happiest year so far. :] I smile and laugh a lot and it's awesome. I mean, freshman year was so fun because we did all this crazy stuff but there was so much drama between friends. Sophomore year was great, but I cried a lot and there was internal drama. Junior year was just..lonely. It started off great and then I didn't want to be here anymore. But this year is continuously fun. I love it. I started it off kind of eh but it's pretty fun :D It's the first year of high school where I don't seriously like someone. That sounds kind of sad but it's true. haha. Oh well, yay for senior year! I like the word ulterior. hahaha. I dunno why. I also like...you! haH k bye. - 20:07 Saturday, Nov. 27, 2004 HEY MAN. I don't know what to write about. I have nothing else to give to you, you darnded UCs!! I can't write when I'm being forced to. It's like a limit on ideas because you have to write in a certain area and if you step out they hate you. You know, them. Whatever. Well, here is my angry thought for today: those two compulsive liars belong together. Yeah. Hm. I decided to follow my parents to Sears today rather than waste time sitting around trying to figure out what to write. I ended up buying a couple of things to cheer myself up about the college app blues. Well, my mom bought them. hehe. :] I want to buy some earmuffs so I can look like a snow bunny. haha. Because when wear my mittens alone, I just look like a boxer. I think earmuffs would tie it all together. Whateverr. I'm going to keep wearing them anyways because it's sooo cold. BLAH. Well, my last fish, Glen, died last night :[ Now I have no fishies. Maybe I fed them the wrong way. I think Glen got bloated. Sigh. I shall miss him. I'm not very good at taking care of animals, or anything for that matter. This is how you know that you won't be very good at parenting. haha. The weekend's almost over and I haven't completed any of my calc assignments yet. AHH! I better hurry up with those. I need to do apps first. Yes. Roar. I have to finish before Monday because I don't want to be stuck trying to turn my apps in and running out of time. Meck. - 17:44 Friday, Nov. 26, 2004 I watched two chickflicks on Wednesday: Bridget Jones 2 and A Walk to Remember. Both of which I find very good :] hahaha..mit Baby! That was funny. All of us but Susan laughed. haha I love chickflicks. They make me get fuzzy feelings inside that I wouldn't get from real life situations because they are nonexistant to me. Man that sounds pathetic. I really liked those two movies though :D Today my sister made me get up to go to Best Buy with her. She bought an iPod with the cute little speakers. She's so good at whining that she talked down the price with the manager because there was this deal but we missed it by like 45 minutes but she still got her discount. haha. The manager seemed all annoyed. Man, my sister's good. hMm..Other than that I didn't do anything besides practice my songs for the rhapsody group. I should be writing like mad. Bleh. I'll go do my CSU apps. Bye-o. <back<-->fwd> 5 most recent entries: I'm a thought criminal - Tuesday, Aug. 21, 2007 Moving away again! - Friday, Oct. 27, 2006 My reaction to Flavor of Love - Saturday, Oct. 21, 2006 Late night confusion! - Friday, Oct. 20, 2006 Bill and the couple drama across the quad - Wednesday, Oct. 18, 2006 |
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